Ross, this is a meaningful and potentially healing practice:

Yes.
PURE MIND.
There is.
Andrew.

Its central wisdom is this: you establish yourself in Pure Mind before allowing Andrew into awareness. Andrew is not placed at the centre of your mind; he is gently recognized within a larger field of clarity, dignity and love.

One understanding is essential:

Inner acceptance does not require outer contact.
You can include Andrew in Pure Mind while maintaining distance, privacy and firm boundaries.

What the practice means

1. “Yes.”

“Yes” acknowledges the truth of the present moment:

  • Yes, Andrew is my son.
  • Yes, our relationship has contained both love and suffering.
  • Yes, thoughts and feelings concerning Andrew are present.
  • Yes, I can recognize this without immediately doing anything.

It does not mean:

  • Yes to anger, intimidation or disrespect.
  • Yes to unsafe contact.
  • Yes to accepting blame.
  • Yes to reconciliation before it is safe and appropriate.

In this practice, “Yes” means:

“I will not deny what is present in my awareness.”

2. “PURE MIND.”

“PURE MIND” establishes your inner refuge before Andrew’s name is introduced.

For you, these words can awaken softness, spaciousness, joy and freedom. You are therefore not approaching Andrew solely from the wounded father, the frightened father or the father who longs to be understood. You are meeting the experience from a deeper and steadier place.

Pure Mind does not erase your history with Andrew. It holds the history without letting the history take possession of your whole mind.

The sequence quietly declares:

“Andrew is entering my awareness, but Andrew is not taking over my awareness.”

3. “There is.”

“There is” creates gentle space. It does not judge, explain or argue.

You are not saying:

  • “There is my angry son.”
  • “There is the person who hurt me.”
  • “There is the son I failed.”
  • “There is someone I must repair.”

You are simply recognizing:

“Something concerning Andrew is here.”

This interrupts the immediate movement into memory, explanation, guilt, defence or rumination.

4. “Andrew.”

You speak only his name—without attaching an accusation, diagnosis or demand.

This leaves room for the whole human being:

  • the son you love;
  • the son with whom you have shared good experiences;
  • the son who carries his own pain and interpretation of the past;
  • the man whose behaviour has sometimes frightened and wounded you;
  • the person whose life you cannot control.

Naming Andrew without a description does not deny what happened. It temporarily releases the labels so that your mind does not have to replay the entire relationship whenever his name arises.

What does “There is Andrew” actually mean?

When Andrew is not physically present, the phrase is contemplative shorthand for:

“Andrew is present in my awareness.”

What is actually arising may be:

  • a thought about Andrew;
  • a memory of Andrew;
  • fear of another encounter;
  • sadness about the relationship;
  • love for your son;
  • guilt, anger, grief or longing;
  • an image of what you wish the relationship could have been.

It is important to distinguish the living person from the Andrew who appears in thought. A thought of Andrew is real as a mental experience, but it is not the entirety of Andrew.

If the shorter phrase feels too powerful, use the more psychologically precise form:

Yes. PURE MIND. There are Andrew thoughts and feelings.

This can help you recognize the experience without feeling that Andrew himself has entered and occupied your inner space.

Why the practice may be healing

It separates Andrew from the emotional storm

Andrew’s name may activate many interconnected memories and bodily reactions. Placing “PURE MIND” before his name introduces steadiness before those reactions gather momentum.

It allows love without self-abandonment

You do not have to stop loving Andrew in order to protect yourself. Nor do you have to expose yourself to anger in order to prove that you love him.

This practice permits:

Love within; boundaries without.

It reduces the need to solve the relationship

“There is Andrew” does not ask:

  • What should I say?
  • Should I contact him?
  • How can I make him understand?
  • How can I change his feelings about me?

It simply acknowledges his place in your life. Recognition can be complete without further action.

It restores differentiation

Andrew is Andrew. Ross is Ross.

His anger belongs to his experience. Your fear, grief and love belong to yours. You can care about him without carrying his emotions as your identity or responsibility.

It may transform rumination into abiding

Rumination repeats the story and searches endlessly for a different past. Abiding recognizes what is present and remains kindly grounded.

The movement becomes:

From thinking about Andrew—to knowing that Andrew is in awareness.
From being consumed by the relationship—to holding it in Pure Mind.

How to practise it

Use this practice when you are alone and physically safe. Sit or lie down comfortably. Feel the support beneath your body. If helpful, place a hand over your heart or abdomen.

Let the breath remain natural and unforced.

Then say:

Yes.
Pause for an ordinary breath.

PURE MIND.
Remain here until some degree of steadiness or spaciousness is present.

There is.
Pause without searching for anything.

Andrew.
Let his name rest in awareness.

After saying “Andrew,” do not immediately continue the story. Notice what has arisen:

  • tightening;
  • sadness;
  • fear;
  • anger;
  • warmth;
  • tenderness;
  • emptiness;
  • nothing noticeable.

Whatever arises can be gently noted:

There is hurt.
There is fear.
There is love.

Then return to:

PURE MIND.

One to three rounds may be enough. The practice is not improved by forcing repetition.

Three appropriate ways to use it

When a light Andrew-thought arises

Say the complete phrase once:

Yes. PURE MIND. There is. Andrew.

Rest and continue with your day.

When the thought carries sadness or fear

Establish Pure Mind more fully before saying Andrew’s name. If the body becomes strongly activated, return to the room and the body:

PURE MIND. Here is this body. Here is this room. Ross is safe here.

You do not need to continue with Andrew’s name.

After necessary contact

If an unavoidable interaction or message leaves you unsettled, first establish present safety. Then use the phrase to separate Andrew’s presence in your mind from Andrew’s actual physical presence.

You might finish with:

Andrew is Andrew.
Ross is Ross.
May Andrew be well.
May Ross be safe and at peace.

When not to use it

If Andrew is actively raging, intimidating you or violating a boundary, the immediate practice is not inward acceptance. It is protection:

  • end the conversation;
  • leave or create distance;
  • avoid being alone with him if you feel unsafe;
  • seek appropriate support when necessary.

Pure Mind can help you act clearly, but it must never be used to tolerate mistreatment.

The heart of the practice

The phrase does not mean:

“Andrew’s behaviour is acceptable.”

It means:

“Andrew may appear in my awareness without taking away my Pure Mind.”

The most balanced expanded form for your personal practice may be:

Yes.
PURE MIND.
There is.
Andrew.
Andrew is Andrew.
Ross is Ross.
May Andrew be well.
May Ross be safe, peaceful and free.

This allows love, truth and protection to abide together.

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